Vampires vs. Zombies is an entirely huge piece of crap! I usually start my reviews with a brief description of the story, but this tanker had me stumped. The makers of Vampires vs. Zombies were seemingly more interested in creating plot twists and lesbian sex scenes than making an actual plot. It was incredibly difficult to know what the hell was going on in this movie, which made it terribly boring to watch. The story was just awful.
The acting was completely terrible. These actors had no sense of dynamic or nuance or realism whatsoever. It may not have helped that the dialog was just fucking childish.
The special effects were slim to none. When one out of ten gore scenes happen off-screen to allow your mind to imagine the worst thing happening without actually showing you, it’s acceptable. When 19 out of 20 gore scenes happen off-screen, you’re just skimping on the special effects budget and confusing the fuck out of your audience. Whenever anybody or anything was stabbed or shot or sliced, it happened off screen. It was over use of an old studio tactic that wore thin immediately. The zombie were completely crappy looking. They were just people with wigs and a bit of cheap latex and gray make-up.
With a title like Vampires vs. Zombies, you’d think there would be some sort of battle or difference to be settled between armies or factions of the undead. Well, you’d be wrong. It’s just about a few people fighting a some vampires, then fighting some zombies, then, in the end a couple vampires get killed by zombies, I think. There was really no clear indication as to what the objective of this movie was in the first place.
There kept being some dream sequences that ended up not being dream sequences or maybe you were just supposed to think they were dream sequences after they happened, but then they really weren’t…or were they? I DON’T KNOW! It was too poorly done to discern or even warrant further exploration.
Since when do vampires walk around in broad daylight? Well, since this crap movie came out, that’s when. Since when can you dispatch a vampire by elbowing it in the face? Since this dung pile of a movie came out, that’s when. In fact, the only rule of vampirism these movie makers felt like following was the one that said that vampires have fangs and were seductive, which worked well for their desire to have a shit-ton of gratuitous lesbian sex scenes.
Another ridiculous aspect to this crap movie was the driving scenes. A great deal of this flick takes place in moving cars that are obviously moving at a rate of 2 miles per hour. There are the long drawn out scenes of bullshit dialog that take place while a few people seemingly push the vehicle. It’s not as if the camera person took advantage of this snails pace to get better angles on the actors, they couldn’t be bothered but to shoot every scene from the back seat so you get this boring ass half profile view of the actors.
In all honesty, I think everyone should watch this Vampires vs. Zombies just to see how goddamn horrible it is. Just so when you hear people say “ Daredevil was the worst movie I ever saw!” You can say “ Watch Vampires vs. Zombies! That’s right! I was in the shit!” I’m not usually the kind of person that says “This soda pop taste awful! Here, taste it.” But I think I understand that type of person a little more.
This movie was complete shit! Here, look at it.