I dunno if this counts as a submission, but I sure know what I don’t want Santa to bring me. And that item is: Brains. (Zombies don’t eat brains, you know. Or, they may occasionally do, but whatever.)
Every year I leave stockings nailed to the mantle, and every year you fill those stockings with candy, small toys, or other “stuffers.” This year, please fill those stockings with the obvious gift: feet.
This year for Z-Mas I want peace on Earth. I’ve decided that the achieve this only you can bring about what will make this possible. With the state of the nations on this planet the only thing that can truly bring countries together is a disaster of epic proportions I suggest strategically setting off a zombie outbreak in every major nation on the planet including a few of the developing nations as well. (I ask that for the midwest portion of America you don’t have the outbreak occur near rush hour however as no one in Chicago knows how to drive during this time as is and it will take forever to get home from work.)
This will allow a chance for the world to come together in a way that it never has before. Nations will forget past wars in order to stand together in the face of your zombie hordes. It will be truly amazing to behold, and if not than we’ll at least have a lot of fun while we attempt to get things under control or watch the world burn.
Braaaaiiiiinnns
Oh yeah, and “an official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time”.
Dear Zombie Santa,
As the appointed representative for the North Pole chapter of the Zombie Elf Union (Z.E.U.) I am requesting the following changes to our Union Contracts for this holiday season:
1) All Zombie Elves will allowed a thirty minute Brain-Eating-Break every shift
2) Zombie Elves will no longer be chopped into bite sized pieces and given to zombie children for the holiday
3) All Zombie Elves will be afforded a medical limb-reattachment plan (for those long toy making shifts where we literally work till our arms fall off)
As we both know, this is a busy time of year for all zombie holiday workers and we at the Z.E.U. would appreciate a timely response on these matters.
In light of the approaching Yulepocalypse, we respectfully request Dead Reckoning, so that we may scavenge essential supplies and presents for all the good little boys from abandoned nearby towns.
this year, to mark the birth of sweet zombie jesus, i would like the greatesr story ever told to be awarded the title of zombie movie. I would like my favorite zombie podcasts (The Midnight Podcast, Library of the Living Dead, and Mail Order Zombie) to get some zombie jesus birthday love (and a few more listeners if anyone reading this is not a listener). I would like you to pull your horde of zombie elves and shambling snowmen and undead yeti back from my compound long enough for me to restock my supplies.
I would like some help getting into the savini program for special effects makeup and a job doing zombie makeup.
Bearded Fat guys need to stick together, living or undead.
x Badhammer
All I would like from you is a crazy bite… on the arm preferred but willing to take it on the head, leg, or torso. Always wanted to see how the other side is ; )
I don’t want anything for Christmas. I have cookies for you on the mantle. I’ll be waiting with my shotgun by the fireplace for you. Come get a piece Santa.
Dear Santa,
The chimney is exit only at this point in my house. If you must enter please sing jingle bells down my chimney. Oh, and please can I have the following for Christmas:
1) Shotgun & Shells
2) Food & Water
3) Nails & a Hammer
Good to go.
Thanks Santa and stay in the air as much as possible.
All I want for christmas is a standard issue military trioxin drum preferably with a zombie still inside. This would mean alot and if you could make sure the lid is on tight so that it won’t leak please. THANKS!!!!
go go go zombie santa clause,come down the chiminey munchin kids limbs,go go go zombie santa clause this christmas is gonna be grim,go go go zombie santa clause
Dear Zombie Santa,
I know this may be a big one, but for Z-Mas I would like the heads of my Enemies you know:
1)The comic book guy by my house (that always breathes thru his damn mouth)
2)My high school sweatheart, for dumping me on prom cause i had too much acne.
3)The Joanahs Brothers (I just dont get it.)
4)And my Ex-friends Anthony. He likes Meth soo much he destroyed his family. He’s practically dead anyway. You know where to find him (under the 605 freeway in a dirty red Bronco snorting sugar. he thinks its coke.)
Thank you in advance.
dearest sandy claws,
I appreciate you coming through with the gift I requested (via this forum) last year…
so now, I’m counting on you again!
since my ‘demise’ my friends have taken to keeping me chained and locked in a shed for the purpose of video game partners, which is fine! for those times when I am alone…
I would really enjoy a Wii and the game animal crossing
I feel playing this game with give me a small reminder of how life was like before
Aug. 29′05
maybe?
anywho….
you’re the best!
<3 Kimmie (of the Undead)
I do not ask for much this zombie holiday. But please dont come down the chimney this time? The fire will be lit just like last time. And that means that you will get those nasty burns again. And a burning zombie aint a good idea. I promise you that. So please dont do that again. But now for a real wish.. Please make my sister live again?
For Christmas I want only one thing. I have asked for this every year since I was twelve and owned my first shotgun. I want the Zombie Apocalypse. I want it more than ever. I want it because I want to see the pricks in administration at my university get zombified because they conned me out of money and time. I want it because I want the people I work with to have their hopes and dreams crushed as their crappy barricades cave in on them because they never listened to me during any of the many lectures I gave about proper zombie barricade procedures. I want it because this world needs the reset button hit and I think the Zombie Apocalypse is said button. I want it because I feel like I was born for one purpose in this world and that is to survive and rebuild humanity from it’s broken shambles due to the onset of zombie death. I would be supremely happy with the Zombie Apocalypse.
Dear Zombie Santa:
I’ve been a good little boy all year long, and this year I’m not asking for much. Usually I want the usual, you know, G.I. Joe with kung-fu grip or a Tyco Turbo Train. This year all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth… So I can eat Braaiiiins!!!!!
Not asking for anything this year, so please don’t bother coming by. Last year, you ate the last of my fingers, and I really can’t have you snacking on any other parts of my anatomy. It’s hard enough to type, but I still need to walk around, and you’ve left me with one leg to do that with.
So, if I hear you coming down the chimney, I’m ready for you. Don’t have a boomstick (no fingers, remember?), but my dual chainsaws should cut you into kindling in no time.
My request is not for me, but for someone else. I want for some BIG Hollywood producer to give George Romero the kind of money he needs to make his big scale, over the top, next in the series, apocalyptic zombie opus, World of the Dead. This would allow Mr. Romero to go out on top, and bring hamony and happiness to thousands and thousands of fans of the zombie movie genre.
As much as I would LOOVE Z-mas to last all year long *hehe*, if you can’t manage it, I’d settle for the Apocolipse Ponies, War,Famine, Pestilence, and DEATH ponies,Muahahahahaha~
I would like Zombie Santa to bring me the recipe for proper zombie xmas cookies. I find that the ones I buy at the zombie grocery cost AN ARM AND A LEG! :) And I like to think Zombie Santa prefers the home made variety best.
Dear Zombi Clause,
My wish this X-Mas is to outwit you and your evil minions. I wish for an end to the misery that you and your horde of carnivorous snowmen bring to the northlands! I will not rest easy until every single demonic elf has been vanquished from this earth!! I have the proper tools and will hunt you and yours to extinction no matter how long that may take. I will burn every single were-penguin in the harsh light of the cleansing sun, after having filled their carcasses with silver bullets! You may think you are safe in your fortress of ice at the North Pole, with your yeti on guard against any invasion; but I am watching you. I am taking note of your habits and soon…oh yes very soon…I will have enough information to make a full assault on you. SO LAUGH NOW JOLLY MAN, WHILE YOU STILL CAN…for soon yours shall be a world of hurt!
Comments(39)
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth………… my nose, my left eye…. basically I’d like my face back.
I dunno if this counts as a submission, but I sure know what I don’t want Santa to bring me. And that item is: Brains. (Zombies don’t eat brains, you know. Or, they may occasionally do, but whatever.)
Dear Zombie Santa,
Every year I leave stockings nailed to the mantle, and every year you fill those stockings with candy, small toys, or other “stuffers.” This year, please fill those stockings with the obvious gift: feet.
I would like Zombie Santa to give me some of what he’s eating.
Dear Zombie Santa,
This year for Z-Mas I want peace on Earth. I’ve decided that the achieve this only you can bring about what will make this possible. With the state of the nations on this planet the only thing that can truly bring countries together is a disaster of epic proportions I suggest strategically setting off a zombie outbreak in every major nation on the planet including a few of the developing nations as well. (I ask that for the midwest portion of America you don’t have the outbreak occur near rush hour however as no one in Chicago knows how to drive during this time as is and it will take forever to get home from work.)
This will allow a chance for the world to come together in a way that it never has before. Nations will forget past wars in order to stand together in the face of your zombie hordes. It will be truly amazing to behold, and if not than we’ll at least have a lot of fun while we attempt to get things under control or watch the world burn.
Braaaaiiiiinnns
Oh yeah, and “an official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time”.
Dear Zombie Santa,
As the appointed representative for the North Pole chapter of the Zombie Elf Union (Z.E.U.) I am requesting the following changes to our Union Contracts for this holiday season:
1) All Zombie Elves will allowed a thirty minute Brain-Eating-Break every shift
2) Zombie Elves will no longer be chopped into bite sized pieces and given to zombie children for the holiday
3) All Zombie Elves will be afforded a medical limb-reattachment plan (for those long toy making shifts where we literally work till our arms fall off)
As we both know, this is a busy time of year for all zombie holiday workers and we at the Z.E.U. would appreciate a timely response on these matters.
Sincerely,
-The Head Zombie Elf-
I would like Zombie Santa to bring me a superbowl win for the Redskins!!! Better yet, He can send the undead to Dallas to feast on Romo and T.O.!!!
Dear Zombie Santa;
In light of the approaching Yulepocalypse, we respectfully request Dead Reckoning, so that we may scavenge essential supplies and presents for all the good little boys from abandoned nearby towns.
DEAR SANTA, I WANT A GOOD MOVIE FROM GEORGE ROMERO!!!!!!
Dear Zombie Santa,
this year, to mark the birth of sweet zombie jesus, i would like the greatesr story ever told to be awarded the title of zombie movie. I would like my favorite zombie podcasts (The Midnight Podcast, Library of the Living Dead, and Mail Order Zombie) to get some zombie jesus birthday love (and a few more listeners if anyone reading this is not a listener). I would like you to pull your horde of zombie elves and shambling snowmen and undead yeti back from my compound long enough for me to restock my supplies.
I would like some help getting into the savini program for special effects makeup and a job doing zombie makeup.
Bearded Fat guys need to stick together, living or undead.
x Badhammer
Dear Zombie Santa,
All I would like from you is a crazy bite… on the arm preferred but willing to take it on the head, leg, or torso. Always wanted to see how the other side is ; )
Dear Santa,
I don’t want anything for Christmas. I have cookies for you on the mantle. I’ll be waiting with my shotgun by the fireplace for you. Come get a piece Santa.
Your friend,
O’Day
Dear Santa,
The chimney is exit only at this point in my house. If you must enter please sing jingle bells down my chimney. Oh, and please can I have the following for Christmas:
1) Shotgun & Shells
2) Food & Water
3) Nails & a Hammer
Good to go.
Thanks Santa and stay in the air as much as possible.
Aaron Kleiber
Dear Zombie Santa,
All I want for christmas is a standard issue military trioxin drum preferably with a zombie still inside. This would mean alot and if you could make sure the lid is on tight so that it won’t leak please. THANKS!!!!
Your friend,
Nelson Jr.
Zombie Santa could leave me a $500 gift card to Horror-Mall. I would then binge on zombie novels.
go go go zombie santa clause,come down the chiminey munchin kids limbs,go go go zombie santa clause this christmas is gonna be grim,go go go zombie santa clause
an ipod touch, so I can watch movies on the go.
Dear Zombie Santa,
I know this may be a big one, but for Z-Mas I would like the heads of my Enemies you know:
1)The comic book guy by my house (that always breathes thru his damn mouth)
2)My high school sweatheart, for dumping me on prom cause i had too much acne.
3)The Joanahs Brothers (I just dont get it.)
4)And my Ex-friends Anthony. He likes Meth soo much he destroyed his family. He’s practically dead anyway. You know where to find him (under the 605 freeway in a dirty red Bronco snorting sugar. he thinks its coke.)
Thank you in advance.
dearest sandy claws,
I appreciate you coming through with the gift I requested (via this forum) last year…
so now, I’m counting on you again!
since my ‘demise’ my friends have taken to keeping me chained and locked in a shed for the purpose of video game partners, which is fine! for those times when I am alone…
I would really enjoy a Wii and the game animal crossing
I feel playing this game with give me a small reminder of how life was like before
Aug. 29′05
maybe?
anywho….
you’re the best!
<3 Kimmie (of the Undead)
A smaller prostate
Dear Zombie santa,
I do not ask for much this zombie holiday. But please dont come down the chimney this time? The fire will be lit just like last time. And that means that you will get those nasty burns again. And a burning zombie aint a good idea. I promise you that. So please dont do that again. But now for a real wish.. Please make my sister live again?
Thanks and stay dead!
- Tomb Svalborg
My two frontal lobes…’cause he ate them…and I’d like them back please…*drool*
a naked 18 year old girl wrapped in a bow. Preferably living. and money. and gas cards.
I would have to say the Dawn of the Dead 4 disc ultimate edition.
For Christmas I want only one thing. I have asked for this every year since I was twelve and owned my first shotgun. I want the Zombie Apocalypse. I want it more than ever. I want it because I want to see the pricks in administration at my university get zombified because they conned me out of money and time. I want it because I want the people I work with to have their hopes and dreams crushed as their crappy barricades cave in on them because they never listened to me during any of the many lectures I gave about proper zombie barricade procedures. I want it because this world needs the reset button hit and I think the Zombie Apocalypse is said button. I want it because I feel like I was born for one purpose in this world and that is to survive and rebuild humanity from it’s broken shambles due to the onset of zombie death. I would be supremely happy with the Zombie Apocalypse.
ZOMBIE BARBIE, ZOMBIE MY LITTLE PONY, and a ZOMBIE PUPPY! HOORAY!
Dear Zombie Santa:
I’ve been a good little boy all year long, and this year I’m not asking for much. Usually I want the usual, you know, G.I. Joe with kung-fu grip or a Tyco Turbo Train. This year all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth… So I can eat Braaiiiins!!!!!
Dear Zanta,
All i want for Christmas is A RELEASE DATE FOR ZOMBIES: THE BOARD ON PS3 NETWORK!!
And by THE BOARD i meant The Board Game
Dear Zombie Santa,
Not asking for anything this year, so please don’t bother coming by. Last year, you ate the last of my fingers, and I really can’t have you snacking on any other parts of my anatomy. It’s hard enough to type, but I still need to walk around, and you’ve left me with one leg to do that with.
So, if I hear you coming down the chimney, I’m ready for you. Don’t have a boomstick (no fingers, remember?), but my dual chainsaws should cut you into kindling in no time.
So, stay away. Please.
I want Zombie Santa to bring me a “Zombie Santa visited me for Christmas and all I got was this Zombie Santa T-Shirt” T-Shirt.
Dear Zombie Santa,
My request is not for me, but for someone else. I want for some BIG Hollywood producer to give George Romero the kind of money he needs to make his big scale, over the top, next in the series, apocalyptic zombie opus, World of the Dead. This would allow Mr. Romero to go out on top, and bring hamony and happiness to thousands and thousands of fans of the zombie movie genre.
Dear Zombie Santa,
This Christmas i’d like the gift that keeps on giving: The lobotomizer. (Read World War Z!)
How can a shovel/machete be wrong, when it feels so right?
As much as I would LOOVE Z-mas to last all year long *hehe*, if you can’t manage it, I’d settle for the Apocolipse Ponies, War,Famine, Pestilence, and DEATH ponies,Muahahahahaha~
Dear Zombie Santa,
Any books involving zombies would be greatly appreciated.
I would like Zombie Santa to bring me the recipe for proper zombie xmas cookies. I find that the ones I buy at the zombie grocery cost AN ARM AND A LEG! :) And I like to think Zombie Santa prefers the home made variety best.
Dear Zombi Clause,
My wish this X-Mas is to outwit you and your evil minions. I wish for an end to the misery that you and your horde of carnivorous snowmen bring to the northlands! I will not rest easy until every single demonic elf has been vanquished from this earth!! I have the proper tools and will hunt you and yours to extinction no matter how long that may take. I will burn every single were-penguin in the harsh light of the cleansing sun, after having filled their carcasses with silver bullets! You may think you are safe in your fortress of ice at the North Pole, with your yeti on guard against any invasion; but I am watching you. I am taking note of your habits and soon…oh yes very soon…I will have enough information to make a full assault on you. SO LAUGH NOW JOLLY MAN, WHILE YOU STILL CAN…for soon yours shall be a world of hurt!
CONTEST CLOSED!!!