From Joystiq comes a VERY STRONG rumor that the board game Zombies!!! will become to the XBox Live Arcade. The platform should be perfect for the game which requires a VERY LARGE table in order to layout the tiles for the game properly, and the addition of online play with strangers saves you the task of having real-life friends. No word on a release date yet.
What’s an Undead Ringer?
I review zombie movies for the ZRC. Sometimes people, for whatever reason, don’t want to come right out and peg their movie as a zombie flick. Maybe it’s artistic integrity or they just don’t want to be dismissed by being lumped in with such a stigmatized genre, so sometimes you have to read between the lines. Every now and again, I come across one that looks like it’s totally a zombie movie, but they don’t want to use the ‘Z’ word, so they call them ‘the dead’ or talk about an ‘outbreak’ or ‘cannibalistic creatures’. Sometimes they use these terms to try to sucker YOU, the zombie fan, into picking up their flick, knowing full well it’s about ghosts or lame-ass monsters. By and large, these movies aren’t very good, so to add insult to injury, you’ve just rented a really bad movie that’s not even the zombie movie you hoped for. Well, I’ve been suckered on occasion and I’ll admit it so you don’t have to. We’ll call them Undead Ringers. I’ll review them, discuss them and, yes, spoil the hell out of them, all out of spite for being fished-in. This is the only SPOILER ALERT you get. Now on to:
I got this one through Netflix. It was lumped in under their zombie sub-genre list. Here’s how they described it:
“Deep in an underground research facility, a band of scientists and soldiers awakens with no memory of how they got there. An escape tunnel is their only way out, but vicious mutants hungry for human blood stand in their way. Will the survivors live long enough to regain their memories and discover the truth?”
I’ve never before, in my history as a reviewer for this site, turned off a movie halfway through because it was so bad. There’s a first time for everything. Shadow Walkers was that first time for me.
The premise of Shadow Walkers is this: This research facility was trying to genetically create the perfect soldier (been there). When it started to go wrong, they sent in a strike team to weld all the doors shut, gas the people inside so they don’t remember anything (what kind of gas does that?) and let loose the beasts that they created to kill all the people inside. The opening sequence shows this happening. You see all these people getting killed by this unseen terrifying force; dragged screaming into the darkness, cowering in fear behind there own hands as the creature come to get them. Person after person dispatched with the greatest of ease and by the most vicious means. Yet, halfway through the movie, the main character has a kung fu fight with one of them. The thing has these razor sharp teeth and inch long claws and it’s there putting up it’s dukes rather than just charging and mauling like the beast you were lead to believe they were from the opening sequence.
The characters start to remember things at the most convenient times, even though they’ve been thoroughly exposed to the forgetting gas. This is one of the dumbest things about the movie. This handful of people that have survived the initial attack of these vicious, kung fu-sparring monsters, have this gas induced amnesia and they keep guessing that they hate each other and all this crap about hating their jobs and stuff. One of the guys had a gas mask on so he wasn’t affected by the forgetting gas and he’s all messing with their minds and being all coy, but it’s all banal and stupid crap.
What made the good folks at Netflix think this was a zombie movie is the fact that the monsters transfer the virus to their victims by biting them. When they’re bitten, they turn into these cannibalistic, flesh-hungry monsters that growl and scowl and are, for some reason, sensitive to light.
The special effects make-up is the worst. It would be really good at a Halloween party, but in a bona fide movie, it’s complete crap. Check this out. This is the big bad monster. And it looks this ridiculous on screen too. This is what the virus the folks created can turn you into if you get bitten. It looks like something out of a campy, 1950’s sci-fi B-movie.
If I didn’t remark on the acting it’s because the acting is remarkably bad. It’s not I-don’t-know-how-to-act/dead-pan-bad, it’s I-think-I-know-how-to-act-because-I’ve-seen-it-on-TV bad. Overacting for little things; under-acting for big things; it’s just bad acting.
At every turn watching this movie I was rolling my eyes. When I finally figured out that there were going to be no zombies, I was just pissed off. This movie is a complete waste of time and space.
Avoid.
Every month we tell you about the latest zombie offerings from Diamond, which are all available at your local comic book store. So, here are the zombie-related selections from Diamond Previews Volume XVIII #8 August 2008, to ship in October 2008:
Roadkill: A Jim Kowalski Adventure GN (Dark Horse, $9.95) p.36
The Walking Dead #56 (Image, $2.99) p.134
The Walking Dead: The Covers HC (Image, $24.99) p.135
The Walking Dead Book Four HC (Image, $29.99/ S&N LTD Edition $49.99) p.136
The Walking Dead 2009 Calender (Image, $14.99) p.136 – Available October 1, 2008
Dead Ahead #2 (of 3) (Image, $3.99) p.142
Risers GN (Alterna Comics, $12.95) p.192
Dead Eyes Open GN (Amaze Ink/ Slave Labor, $12.95) p.192 OFFERED AGAIN
Chaos Campus: Sorority Girls vs. Zombies #1 (of 3) (Approbation Comics, $4.99) p.200
The Dead #2: Kingdom of Flies (Berserker, $3.99) p.217 – 2 covers available
The Dead Posters Style A & B (Berserker, $8.00) p.217
Zombie Tales #7 (Boom!, $3.99) p.225 - 2 covers available
Zombie Tales: The War at Home One-Shot (Boom!, $3.99) p.225 - 2 covers available
Zombie Tales: “Porn Tales” Poster (Boom!, $14.99) p.225
Zombie Tales Volume 2 TP (Boom!, $15.99) p.225
Zombie Tales Volume 1 TP (Boom!, $15.99) p.225 OFFERED AGAIN
Hack/ Slash #17 (Devil’s Due, $3.50) p.234 – 2 covers available, featuring H.P. Lovecraft’s Re-Animator
Army of Darkness#15 (Dynamite, $3.50) p. 261
Deadworld Chronicles Volume 1 GN (Desperado, $15.99) p.266
Deadworld: Slaughterhouse #1 (Desperado, $3.99) p.266
Return of the Super Pimps #6 (Dial “C” for Comics, $268) p.268 – “Pimps vs Zombies” issue
Army of Darkness #8 Apocalypse Comics Exclusive Cover Signed by Jim Kuhoric & Mike Raicht (Dynamic Forces, $49.99) p.284
Steven Nile’s Omnibus TP (IDW, $24.99) p.306 – Featuring the comic Wake the Dead and other horror tales
Everybody’s Dead TP (IDW, $19.99) p.307
War of the Undead TP (IDW, $12.99) p.309 OFFERED AGAIN
Zombies: Eclipse of the Undead TP (IDW, $19.99) p.309 OFFERED AGAIN
The Mammoth Book of Zombie Comics TP (Running Press, $17.95) p.327
The Chronicles of Dr. Herbert West #2 (of 6) (Zenescope, $2.99) p.372
Monroeville Zombies T-Shirt (Graphitti designs, M-XL $17.95/ XXl $20.95) p.425
The Walking Dead: Andrew “Torso” Statuette (CS Moore, $24.95) p.462 OFFERED AGAIN
Marvel Milestones: Zombie Spider-Man vs. Venom Statue (Diamond Select, $199.00) p.464 OFFERED AGAIN
Dawn of the Dead Vintage Poster ($6.99) p.513
All Flesh Must be Eaten: Dungeons and Zombies SC (Eden Studios, $24.00) p.524
All Flesh Must be Eaten: Enter the Zombie SC (Eden Studios, $20.00) p.524
Zombie Town Board Game (Twilight Creations, $39.99) p.535
Zombies!!! 5: School’s Out Forever (Twilight Creations, $14.99) p.535 OFFERED AGAIN
And from the Marvel Previews supplement:
Marvel Zombies 3 #1 (0f 4) (Marvel, $3.99) p.46
Marvel Zombies TP (Marvel, $15.99) p.105 – available with a Zombie Spider-Man cover and two direct market only covers of Zombie Iron Man and Zombie Hulk
Essential Marvel Horror Vol.2 TP (Marvel, $16.99) p.116 – Inlcudes Tales of the Zombie #6 and #10
For more info, check out Diamond’s website. And, for more info on each publisher, check out their websites:Alterna Comics, Amaze Ink/ Slave Labor, Approbation Comics, Berserker, Boom!, CS Moore, Dark Horse, Desperado, Devil’s Due, Diamond Select, Dial “C” for Comics, Dynamic Forces, Dynamite, Eden Studios, Graphitti Designs, IDW, Image, Marvel, Running Press, Twilight Creations, and Zenescope.
The ZRC has no control over changes to release dates, titles or cancellation of items.
Loyal ZRC fan Anthony “Zombie Elf” Layton sent us the link to this video of zombie puppets and proclaimed it “So awesome I can barely stand it!” I concur with Anthony. Thanks again for the link!
Napoleon Dynamite, er, I mean Jon Heder is set to star in a new web-only zombie comedy called Woke Up Dead. The series will be composed of 50 three minute long videos. This is more than likely the same Woke Up Dead announced by NBC earlier this year, although it looks like a new media company has been assigned to the project.
Children of the Living Dead is the story of Abbott Hayes, a convicted serial murderer and rapist that was killed in prison and arose from the dead to kidnap children and lead a legion of zombies against people that want to build an auto-mall in place of the cemetery across from his old home. Years after being kidnapped, the children are killed by zombie Abbott Hayes while on their way to a concert, only to rise from the dead as part of his legion of zombies. The construction crew keep finding mysterious things that are happening to the bodies at the cemetery; bodies missing, evidence of live burial. Is this the work of the fabled Abbott Hayes or just vandals and miscreants?
Any way you slice it, this movie is a travesty of cinema. The Night of the Living Dead 30th Anniversary Edition is supposed to be a prequel to this movie, with the Cemetery Zombie (Bill Hinzman) being Abbott Hayes.
Tom Savini starts out the film as a zombie hunter creatively dispatching zombies with a fine array of fire arms and other improvised techniques. This is all made incredibly goofy by the over-dubbing of simple dialog that could have easily been inner monologue. Since Tom’s mouth isn’t moving, it comes across like the mumblings of Popeye. In fact, the first half of the movie has an exceeding amount of over-dubbed dialog that sometimes obviously doesn’t fit with what’s being shown on screen. There are times when the teenagers look like they are talking and even motioning with their hands, yet the dialog had already stopped long before. Most of this over-dubbed dialog happens while the characters faces are not necessarily shown on screen and comes off as dialog that the ”Mystery Science Theater 3000” cast would be interjecting or something from Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. These are all obvious attempt to “fix” the film in post production, but given that these are all tactics used by comedic groups to deride certain works, it comes off as making a jokes of itself.
There are certain things about the movie that just don’t add up. When the teenagers die, there is a funeral for them. You see their 5 caskets lined up and people standing around them mourning. There is a service, after which everyone departs while the caskets stay lined up and above the ground. I haven’t been to too many funerals, but every one of them, and every one I’ve seen on screen, ends which the casket being lowered into the ground, not just left out to rot. Why would they leave them out like this? Because it makes it easier for the grave robbers to come take their jewelry like it says in the script.
There’s a scene in a diner where Matthew, the son of the man building the auto-mall, goes to see Laurie, the young waitress that has tickled his fancy. He sits down and orders a cup of coffee from her as they chat. Before he even sips the coffee she gives him, she takes the cup away and replaces it with a fresh one and pours another cup. Before he even sips that one, she refills it. Before he even sips the second one, she refills it again. He ends up leaving having never even tasted one of the four cups of coffee that she served.
During the big zombie fight scene at the end, which looks more like a bar brawl scene that should have taken place in the movie Roadhouse, Laurie hides in the store room of the diner while Matthew goes to fight the zombie hordes. She’s left with a handgun and a flashlight. When the power goes out, she fumbles to make the flashlight work. When it does, Abbott Hayes is there, growling in her faces. She screams and cowers on the floor. Suddenly he’s gone and she ventures out of the store room to be attacked by other zombies and subsequently saved by the Sheriff who is able to gun down 6 zombies with 2 shots from the hip. What was that all about?
I really could go on all day about this movie. The fact that it was created with the help of many of the people who made the original Night of the Living Dead is definitely saddening. Tor Ramsey, director of Children of the Living Dead, issued this letter of apology for his involvement with the film along with an account of what he believes went wrong with it. When we saw John Russo at the Flashback Weekend horror convention in Chicago, Nate asked him about Children of the Living Dead in a polite side conversation and he refused to talk about it. I believe that these to things speak mountains about the quality of this film.
Despite all of this, I recommend that everyone with a love for the zombie genre check out this movie, preferably on the cheap, just to see how low it can go. My ceaseless bitching about this movie could never do justice to describing just how bad it is. You really ought to see for yourself.
Where do we draw the line on what is and what is not a zombie movie? We just can’t decide on our own, so every Monday we’ll post a new movie to be debated by, you, our readers and ask the question: Zombie Movie Or Not? Every Sunday we’ll post our findings and possibly strike that movie off our Zombie Movie List. The week should give you enough time to rent the movie if need be or you desire.
What every reader must keep in mind is that there are two basic types of zombie that every zombie movie based off of – the Voodoo Zombie and the Romero Zombie. The Voodoo Zombie, while not always raised by Voodoo necessarily, is basically a person, either undead or entranced, that is controlled by a person or entity for the purpose of completing tasks, often killing. Romero Zombies are basically mindless, flesh-eating undead whose bite will turn victims into zombies. Now, not all movies adhere to all of these rules, but if the basics are there, you got a zombie movie.
This weeks debate is over The Last Man On Earth (1964) Starring Vincent Price.
IS: While written as a vampire story, writer Richard Matheson felt he had to distance himself due to its radical difference from his book. The undead in the movie were definite influences on George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead and could definitely be considered zombies.
IS NOT: The movie is about vampires, not zombies. While both are undead, there is a marked difference one of them being sensitivity to light, plus mode of dispatch being through the heart, not the head.
Now it’s up to you, reader. What do you think? The Last Man on Earth: Zombie Movie Or Not?
The debate for The Signal: Zombie Movie Or Not?, received 5 comments and 5 non-repeating votes. With 1 vote for and 4 votes against being a Zombie Movie, as far as this site is concerned, The Signal is NOT a Zombie Movie.
Stay tuned for next week’s debate: The Last Man On Earth: Zombie Movie Or Not?
In The Mad, a family, consisting of a father, his girlfriend, his daughter and her boyfriend, stop at a small rural fair while on a road trip vacation to eat at a local diner. None of them had the burgers made with the prize winning locally grow beef, but those that did turned into ravenous, flesh-hungry zombies. Together with the restaurateur and his friendly waitress, the family must hole-up in the restaurant and fend off the onslaught of crazed zombies and get to the bottom of this epidemic.
The Mad is not an over-the-top gore kind of zombie movie; it’s more of a comedy, or zomedy as they say. This might be unexpected given the cover of the case, but I got this from Netflix, so the red envelope gave me no preconceived notions about what to expect. As a zombie movie I enjoyed it, but this is the first in a string of four zombie movies that I’ve watched in a row to be worth a damn at all. The acting was adequate, the editing was well done and the musical score worked on many levels.
While it wasn’t an extraordinarily funny movie, the dead pan delivery of the comedic lines by Billy Zane and the supporting cast worked excellently. What I mean is that whenever something that was supposed to be funny was said that ended up not being funny, I didn’t cringe or think “How fuckin’ stupid”. It was either funny, or unnoticeable. I didn’t get the idea that someone was embarrassing themselves waiting for the yuck-yucks that just weren’t coming.
The special effects make-up was pretty good, but way under used for a zombie movie. They were definitely going for a less is more approach in The Mad. The zombie make-up was excellent and worked very well without question.
I enjoyed watching The Mad, but I could see how more discerning viewers might want to give it a pass. It’s a well produced movie with a decent cast and script with a few funny moments. Don’t run out to rent it, but if you find yourself with the means to, watch it on the cheap.
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